I look in his eyes, and I’m overcome with how much I love him, so I must take pause. Is it possible I love him more than I love you?  That would be sacrilege. The thought takes my breath away because I don’t want to elevate anyone above you and chase idolatry. I know I should put no one and nothing above you, Lord, but I worry that I have.  As I dig deep into my heart and search for the answer, it occurs to me, likely through your discerning Spirit, that he is your tangible love. 

It is your pattern, God, to reveal yourself, your very real but intangible self, in the most concrete ways. You show me daily your artistry and beauty in the natural world around me. The colors you created are displayed daily on canvas of sky and earth. Sunrise, sunset, flowers. When I can’t physically see you, you give me a world filled with your beauty to behold. My eyes take in the reality of God the creator. You give me tangible beauty in everything from my children’s eyes and smiles to the rabbits that hopped around in the yard this morning. You provide for my eyes to see you.

And while there have been times that I know you’ve spoken directly to my heart – inaudible, indescribable, unmistakable – I wonder if you speak to my literal ears?  Then I hear a song that resonates with my deepest pain or bird singing in the early light of the morning, and again I know the answer. The sounds of You surround me. You speak boldly and powerfully in the thunder or crashing waves; quietly and cathartically in tears, soft or sobbing; joyfully and spontaneously in the laughter of friends and family. You give me your tangible voice in music, in the words of others, in the sounds of your creation. You’re always speaking to my heart in ways that I can actually hear.

And now you have given me him. I’ve always had your love, your pursuit, and your protection, but through this gift, you have made these things tangible also.  He wraps me up in his arms, kisses my lips, touches my skin so that I can experience love physically, not just spiritually and emotionally. He provides me with the sensations and stimulations that I need as a woman to comprehend eros, pragma, and even agape love.

He loves me sweetly and completely, but he could not if he didn’t love you first. He couldn’t meet my needs or care for me more than he cares for himself if he wasn’t seeking you first. You are his God, his Father, that he cherishes above all, and so he is careful with what you’ve entrusted to him. He is careful with me, gentle with me. He has allowed himself to do your will even in loving me, and so simultaneously I experience his love and your love. Once again, you’ve given me your tangible presence. And in this epiphany, I know that to completely love him is only possible because I completely love you. This overwhelming love I feel for him is not sacrilegious at all; instead, it is your design, your will, in an eternal bond forged in Heaven.